GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
