OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
