this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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