'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
