I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My penis needs a shock collar
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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