dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
