ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
