im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
