Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
