nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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