he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
