i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
