my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
