FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
