This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
