I seem to have left my pride at pride
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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