VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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