I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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