let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
