Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This baby is an asshole
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
