Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
