Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
