Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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