mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
