You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
