I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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