i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
