I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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