i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
