He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
