It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
