I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
