There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We talked him into tasing himself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
