): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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