yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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