she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
