yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
