There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
