So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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