was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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