I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am available for nakedness
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
