Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
