So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
