I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
