So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
