id be glad to
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
