I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
