why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
sex in a hospital.. check
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
