Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
