I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
