another moral hangover. fuck.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
