How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
