Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
